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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24566791">Like Sand Through Open Fingers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamidas756/pseuds/madamidas756'>madamidas756</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Minor Character Death, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) Spoilers, The jedi council seriously should invest in therapy, Whump</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:27:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,271</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24566791</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamidas756/pseuds/madamidas756</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Obi-wan returns to Coruscant after Satine's death on Mandalore and is falling apart at the seams. Thankfully, Anakin Skywalker is a sneaky little shit and is there to pick up the pieces.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Obi-Wan Kenobi &amp; Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Like Sand Through Open Fingers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the many years Anakin spent at his master’s side growing up, training together until sweat drenched bodies drew their sabers back, muscles weak with exhaustion and in crowded medbays post-battle, he grew to sense when something was severely wrong with Obi-wan. </p>
<p>His master was a well-trained individual: unbreakable, calm under pressure, and selfless to the point of self injury. These were the most ideal aspects of a Jedi by code standards. Not long after becoming apprentice to Qui-gon Jinn, Obi-wan rose to the top. The council praised him for his diligence and perseverance, and the young padawan tried his best to not let the compliments go to his head. That would not be very Jedi-like of him, and he lived to honor the code.<br/>
At a young age, he learned from Master Yoda that there are countless terrible beings in the universe who would not hesitate to take advantage of his young, impressionable mind and twist his emotions for their own bounty. For the first time since he could remember, the thought of this filled his body and mind with cold and unforgiving fear.<br/>
Yoda urged him to let go of these feelings, to not let it consume him. What the Master Jedi didn’t teach him was how exactly to do that. Still, he did not want to disappoint Master Yoda. Left to his own devices, Obi-wan took the restless pool of fear welled up inside him and pushed it deep down into the depths of his mind until he could no longer feel its presence. The older Jedi was content with this solution, and Obi-wan smiled at the discovery of this new mechanism.<br/>
Years pass, and the once insignificant, small puddle of fear lurking in the back of his mind has become a vast bubbling river of past mistakes turned to regret and intense anger. The feelings build up higher inside him like water backing a dam until they lick the edge like hungry flames behind his sealed lips.<br/>
Obi-wan’s vision of the ship in front of him (where did Master Qui-gon say they were exactly? Some desert planet beyond the Outer Rim?) blurs as the darkness inside him overwhelms his senses. Calm yourself, Obi-wan.<br/>
No good, you let them down, you’re not fit to be a jedi, you’re a disappointment, no one ever wanted you, make them pay, Obi-wan-<br/>
He swallows deeply and the water rushes back down. His fists slowly uncurl at his sides and he wiggles his fingers slowly, imagining the pain rushing out from the tips and spilling out onto the durasteel flooring of the ship. He lets out an unsteady breath, readjusts his posture, and goes on with the orders just given to him through his masters’ comlink. </p>
<p>He stands now, many years later, slumped in the center of the High Council Chamber, a far away look in his eyes that makes Anakin question if he knows where exactly he is at the moment. Dark dried blood coats the tips of his fingers covered by Mandalorian armor. His hair is a complete mess, which Obi-wan would normally find unacceptable and excuse himself from the room at the nearest moment to fix. His fingers twitch at his sides every few minutes, but lay relaxed for the most part.<br/>
He does nothing but nod when prompted as the many Master Jedi berate him for leaving Coruscant without clearance from the council, let alone the Senate, for hours. When they are finished, he simply closes his eyes with furrowed brows and bows slowly, dragging himself towards the arched doorway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Anakin is absolutely kriffing baffled. </p>
<p>He watches Obi-wan being lectured like a youngling caught running aimlessly through the temple halls from the edge of the doorway, not allowed into the high-clearance meeting. He startles slightly and rushes down the hall when he sees his master slowly make his way to the door after being dismissed. The young knight jogs back to their rooms, hoping to catch him and try to figure out what is wrong with him, other than just being captured by the sick seemingly immortal bastard Darth Maul and breaking code to go to Mandalore on a ship he bartered for years ago on Naboo years ago to use for scrap. </p>
<p>Anakin drops himself onto the couch of the main entrance to their small “apartment” in the temple, glancing around for an excuse of why he was there and not with his padawan or Captain Rex. His thoughts race for a moment before his attention is drawn to the doors that flew open just a second ago, Obi-wan somehow looking even more dejected from when he saw him in the council chamber not but five minutes ago. He says nothing that indicates he knows Anakin is there in the room with him, and begins to make his way to his room. Anakin attempts to look casual, as if he had been there the whole time and not sneaking around to spy on the council meeting.<br/>
He fails miserably. </p>
<p>“Good afternoon, master.” Anakin greets politely. </p>
<p>Obi-wan jumps. His eyes dart around in a panic, quickly landing on Anakin, splayed out on the couch like a hooker from lower-level Coruscant aiming to reel in his next customer. He lets out a sigh of relief.</p>
<p>“Oh good, just you. Hello, Anakin.” Obi-wan barely turns to acknowledge him before he moves once again to go hole himself up in his bedroom.<br/>
Anakin ignores the rather rude comment from his master and quickly pulls himself off the couch, stepping in front of him and blocking his clear path to the other side of the room. </p>
<p>“So, how was Mandalore? Did the ship work just as well as I told you it would?” he questions, smirking. He knew very well it was a piece of junk, but figured the older Jedi would make it work. Obi-wan turns his head away from him. He pushes harder when he gets no answer. </p>
<p>“Did the Duchess have any kind words for me?” he asks, chuckling slightly in a joking manner. Obi-wan’s face is obscured by his ruffled hair. He’s silent. </p>
<p>Anakin’s grin drops.</p>
<p>Something is wrong. </p>
<p>Obi-wan’s usually bright force signature is but a slight flicker, and his shields are completely up. Anakin can barely sense a thing coming from him. </p>
<p>“...Obi-wan? What’s going on?” Anakin is beginning to grow worried. He reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder and the other man pushes it away with shaking hands.<br/>
Obi-wan turns back to face him and tears are silently streaking down his dirty face. His shields begin to crumble, intense grief seeping out through the cracks and polluting the previously calm force surrounding them. Anakin gapes, unsure of how to approach the trembling man in front of him. He opens his mouth to speak.</p>
<p>“Please just let me go.” Obi-wan says with an unsteady voice. He’s falling apart at the seams, and Anakin can do nothing but stand there as Obi-wan slips through his fingers. </p>
<p>“Master, I don’t understand-” Anakin starts, but is cut short by Obi-wan who suddenly lets out a gut wrenching, broken sob. The tears fall faster and he raises his shaking hands to cover his mouth, not trusting himself to speak again. Anakin watches as he desperately attempts to even out his breathing, but it’s too late. His shields finally collapse, guilt and anger and sadness spilling out and clouding the room. He takes in a deep breath, unable to hold his feelings back any longer, and cries out loudly. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Famed negotiator, figurehead of the Jedi Order, and General of the Galactic Army of the Republic Obi-wan Kenobi breaks.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is just the beginning folks :)<br/>I hope you enjoyed this first little bit, this is one of the first star wars fics I've written and I'm so excited to publish it.<br/>I'm kinda a slow writer so updates will probably be few and far between as I get the hang of things so bear with me folks.<br/>Thank you for reading!!!<br/>-Len</p></blockquote></div></div>
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